Saturday, September 11, 2010

A Roller Coaster of a Week...

So this past week has been a crazy roller coaster. I started my new job, Wednesday night at church started back up, and over all it was just and emotional roller coaster.

My baby girl who I fell in love
with as soon as I saw her.
(even if she did give me lice)
Recently I have felt distant from God, or as I put it early in the week "I feel like I'm here in Maryland, and God, is in Japan!" I came home after an awesome month on "fire" for God after serving Him, and being completely surrounded by an awesome team who loved Jesus and were living completely for Him. But after being home for almost two months (yeah, I don't want to think about that) that fire has not only started to go out, but has gone out. I sit here fairly regularly saying really God...really... You pulled me out of my comfort zone this summer in all ways possible. I opened up to 8 people who I had never met before, and now I have been left with a "Romanian" size hole in my heart, that hurts, a lot. And I'm sitting here thinking I let my guard down after a few days in Romania, I realized that the only way that I was going to get anything out of the trip was to let God break my heart for what breaks His. And trust me, He did. He not only broke it, but he SHATTERED it. I feel like since then He has broken it into smaller and smaller pieces, and now I'm left, with a "shattered" heart, not knowing what to do next. And with God "in Japan", I fell away from Him almost as soon as I got home and have been struggling to get back. Truthfully I don't know how to.

This week I have been dealing with this, along with a few other things that have been going on. Like the fact that this past Monday was my moms birthday and for the first time, I didn't have to get her a card and send it to her, or call her to sing Happy Birthday to her. And that hurts. I actually picked up my phone and started to dial her number before I realized that shes not there to answer. (R.I.P Leslie Joan Shelton 1/20/2010 i will always love you)

This past year overall has torn me apart. Starting in January. Now its September, and it hasn't gotten any easier. God is still hitting me with things, and it has just gotten farther and I have gotten farther away from Him, and have been struggling to find my way back.

Friday, September 3, 2010

The love that only a child can show...

This week has been full of stuff that I never though I would do. Number one being starting this blog. Number two being getting a job. Which I start TOMORROW...starbucks. heck to the yes! I'm super pumped. I opened a checking account only took being turned down by two banks before finding one that was willing to give me one..jerks! My grandma yelled at the people at both the other banks..yikes!

The little girl I babysit. (Amanda)
Have you ever thought about the unconditional love that children give? No matter what you do a little kid will always love you. You could be that "bad guy" who always says "its time to clean up" or "no don't do that" but they always still give you hug. Today I babysat a little girl who I have been babysitting since she was a baby. We were sitting on the couch watching "Bob" as she calls it..more commonly known as Veggie Tales. Were sitting on the couch and she was sitting on my lap and she goes "Kelsey, I love you". And this is after I made here clean up her play room and be quiet because baby Logan was sleeping. Little kids just have this unconditional love. I was also shown this in Romania with all the kids and the boys who we lived with. They were so loving! It makes me think about how we are so critical and so fast to judge and be rude but so slow to love and be kind like children. We are Gods children after all so shouldn't we love like a child does? God has really been teaching me that I  need to love more like a child and not be quick to judge.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

you have that voice...

I learned today that I "have that voice". You may be asking what "that voice" is. Well according to my friend Beckie "that voice" is the soothing bed time story reading voice. I put my 19 year old friend so sleep today while reading the beginners Bible to the little boy SHE was nannying. what?

Today, I realized that I miss Romania more than any words could EVER describe. I miss the people. I miss the beauty of the country. I miss the food. I miss the language barrier (weird, but true.). I miss Romania sunflower seeds. and of course I miss my team!

I came home thinking *yeah, I will miss this past month, but, I will get over it, it will fade away.* Well in 15 days I will be home for two whole months, and really, its gotten worse. And every time I talk about it, it gets worse, but I can't stop talking about it, because it changed my entire life. I miss being out of my comfort zone, I miss living in a totally different culture, American culture flat out sucks. We are rude, inconsiderate, not loving people. I am beyond ready to go back out on the mission field, and stay there. I believe that God has put missions and children on my heart for a reason and I want to obey Him and GO.

America. Is. Not. For. Me.