am I back in Maryland? booo.

So I got home on sudnay from Michigan. Let me make you a list of my adventures real fast:

• watching Sara peel apple, lots and lots of apples.
• running the gobble wobble, 9 minute mile, what now.
• deciding i was going back up in may to run a 10k, i think i hadn't gotten much sleep when i decided this.
• watching toy story 3, then 2, then 1...thats right backwards toy story marithon.
• braving target on black friday, at 5pm..for chapstick
• went on a hunt for Santa, but failed, because he was MIA at both malls. =( supposedly it was my fault for not telling Sara 100% of the reasons why life sucks.
• Build a ginger bread house...it is AWESOME.
• ate, a lot!! everything we did had to do with food
• Got two yes TWO hours of sleep the night before i left.

Overall I had an AWESOME trip to Michigan, and can't wait to go back in May.

I'm in Michigan, I'm in Michigan!!!

oops, forgot that I promised to post yesterday on my way to this cold state they call Michigan. I'm not really good and keeping my posting promises obviously.

So, thing that I have done in the cold state they call Michigan:
1. peeled apples
2. read 200+ pages of Redeeming Love (I'm slightly addicted)
3. watched Toy Story 3 (I didn't cry this time)
4. found out that my breaks on my car are more screwed up than I though, thankfully grandma is here to pay for them, I love that woman, even if we don't get along.
5. eaten an entire bag of Swedish fish, and is now working on a bag of sour patch kids
6. peeled more apples
7. gone on a random driving adventure around Grand Rapids
8. decided I'm going to die tomorrow running, here's to hoping i can switch to the 1 mile fun run. =)

Well that's the end of the ""things I've done so far in the cold state the call Michigan" list.

So tomorrow is my FAVORITE holiday EVER!!! reason why: because I get to eat A LOT of food and not get judged for it.

On a little more serious note. Last Sunday in my small group we went around and complemented each other. It had nothing to do with the lesson, but we decided to just do it, because that never happens. I was told by one of the girls that they admire how strong i am in my relationship with Christ. The thing is, I'm not. Or at least recently I haven't been. I want to strengthen my relationship with Him again, but I can't figure out how. I just keep making excuses. I keep telling my self I know I need to spend time with God but I'm just to busy, or I will do it later, or I just don't feel like because I'm tired. But then I wonder why I'm so stressed, and frustrated, and why the holidays are bothering me so much. And it hits me, I need to be spending one on one time with Jesus. He's the only one who can give me the strength I need to make it trough this first holiday season with out my mommy. He's the only one who can make me less frustrated, and the only one who can make me less stressed. As much as I want to lean on people to help me with all these things, they can't. Yes every once in a while you need to talk to somebody, and you need to have those close human relationships that can help you grow, keep you accountable, and challenge you. But you can't rely only on them.

Four months and one day....

So, I'm finally posting again, almost a month after I promised I would post the next day. oops. my bad.

     Once again I am going to begin my post with something about Romania, because that is the inspiration for this blog after all. Its crazy to think that I have been home for four months and one day. Four months and one day ago I was on top of the world, but falling hard. I was having trouble adjusting back to the states, I was battling some friends in my hair, and I was missing my team more than I have ever missed anybody in the world, and I was missing Romania.
     Four months and one day later I've finally adjusted back to being home as much as possible, I've gotten back into the grind of life as much as I don't want to be. I still miss my team and everything about Romania. I want my 8 best friends back by my side 24/7, but they are all hours upon hours away. I want to be back in Romania away from all the distractions of American life, that sucks as I have stated in previous posts. And about falling..well not just falling, but falling hard. I have hit the ground, began to climb back up, but fallen again. I have had my ups and downs since being home from Romania, many downs, some ups. I"m struggling to stay strong with Jesus and cant seem to figure out how to go about fixing it. So my life is basically backwards from four months and one day ago.
     Who knows were I will be in four months and one day from today, hopefully I will be back on top of the world, adjusted to life back in the states but working hard to serve Jesus here and not just over seas, living life like its a mission trip everyday.

Any who, thats my short novel for today. Post tomorrow: highly unlikely. Tuesday of next week while on a plane on my way to Michigan, likely.
   

dang, He's always there!!

So I haven't blogged in a while, actually a really long LONG while. So a quick update about my life:
1. all it feels like i do is work, go to school, and do homework. (notice sleep is not in there, because i dont have time for that..CAFFEINE)

well thats my only update on my life becuase thats all I do.

So something a little more serious and a little more informative.
As my last post says i have recently felt like i am located here, in Maryland and God, well, He is in i don't know Japan. Well, this has all changed. Either He is back here in Maryland or I'm in Japan (i personally think its the first one, but it would be awesome if it were the second one). For the past week I have been focusing more on God, i have been spending quality time with Him, in prayer and reading His word. This time I have been spending with Him is not like it used to be, its different, its better. Instead of just reading His word, im studying it, i'm reading it and reading it and praying over it and meditating on it in order to get out and see what God is trying to teach me in that passage. Instead of when i pray just listing off a bunch of things i want, or i think i need, or that i want Him to do for me, or i want to do, its a conversation...it's not only me talking, but its me listening to what He is saying to me too. This is something that God has been teaching me for a while, but i just haven't been applying it. It's awesome to know that I have somebody to talk to, somebody who will listen to me, somebody who is always going to be there to talk when i need somebody to talk to and nobody will answer their phone and i feel like i have nobody there...duuh i have somebody, there i have God! why has it taken me so long to realize this? i dont know. What it took was me hitting rock bottom, me feeling like everybody i had left me..or is in another state, and not answering there phone. And those who were in this state, i just didn't feel close to anymore. The at lunch one afternoon with one of the most awesome people ever...it hit me..God is always there! and these past two months when i had been struggling with being back home (3 months now, crazy!), or stuff going on at home. He has been there to listen the entire time.

It is an awesome feeling to know this and to be finally applying it to my life..i feel like i have this weight just lifted off my shoulders.



well thats all for today, going to go get my friend from work and eat some dinner! More to come tomorrow or friday i PROMISE!

A Roller Coaster of a Week...

So this past week has been a crazy roller coaster. I started my new job, Wednesday night at church started back up, and over all it was just and emotional roller coaster.

My baby girl who I fell in love
with as soon as I saw her.
(even if she did give me lice)

Recently I have felt distant from God, or as I put it early in the week "I feel like I'm here in Maryland, and God, is in Japan!" I came home after an awesome month on "fire" for God after serving Him, and being completely surrounded by an awesome team who loved Jesus and were living completely for Him. But after being home for almost two months (yeah, I don't want to think about that) that fire has not only started to go out, but has gone out. I sit here fairly regularly saying really God...really... You pulled me out of my comfort zone this summer in all ways possible. I opened up to 8 people who I had never met before, and now I have been left with a "Romanian" size hole in my heart, that hurts, a lot. And I'm sitting here thinking I let my guard down after a few days in Romania, I realized that the only way that I was going to get anything out of the trip was to let God break my heart for what breaks His. And trust me, He did. He not only broke it, but he SHATTERED it. I feel like since then He has broken it into smaller and smaller pieces, and now I'm left, with a "shattered" heart, not knowing what to do next. And with God "in Japan", I fell away from Him almost as soon as I got home and have been struggling to get back. Truthfully I don't know how to.

This week I have been dealing with this, along with a few other things that have been going on. Like the fact that this past Monday was my moms birthday and for the first time, I didn't have to get her a card and send it to her, or call her to sing Happy Birthday to her. And that hurts. I actually picked up my phone and started to dial her number before I realized that shes not there to answer. (R.I.P Leslie Joan Shelton 1/20/2010 i will always love you)

This past year overall has torn me apart. Starting in January. Now its September, and it hasn't gotten any easier. God is still hitting me with things, and it has just gotten farther and I have gotten farther away from Him, and have been struggling to find my way back.

The love that only a child can show...

This week has been full of stuff that I never though I would do. Number one being starting this blog. Number two being getting a job. Which I start TOMORROW...starbucks. heck to the yes! I'm super pumped. I opened a checking account today..it only took being turned down by two banks before finding one that was willing to give me one..jerks! My grandma yelled at the people at both the other banks..yikes!

The little girl I babysit. (Amanda)

Have you ever thought about the unconditional love that children give? No matter what you do a little kid will always love you. You could be that "bad guy" who always says "its time to clean up" or "no don't do that" but they always still give you hug. Today I babysat a little girl who I have been babysitting since she was a baby. We were sitting on the couch watching "Bob" as she calls it..more commonly known as Veggie Tales. Were sitting on the couch and she was sitting on my lap and she goes "Kelsey, I love you". And this is after I made here clean up her play room and be quiet because baby Logan was sleeping. Little kids just have this unconditional love. I was also shown this in Romania with all the kids and the boys who we lived with. They were so loving! It makes me think about how we are so critical and so fast to judge and be rude but so slow to love and be kind like children. We are Gods children after all so shouldn't we love like a child does? God has really been teaching me that I  need to love more like a child and not be quick to judge.

you have that voice...

I learned today that I "have that voice". You may be asking what "that voice" is. Well according to my friend Beckie "that voice" is the soothing bed time story reading voice. I put my 19 year old friend so sleep today while reading the beginners Bible to the little boy SHE was nannying. what?

Today, I realized that I miss Romania more than any words could EVER describe. I miss the people. I miss the beauty of the country. I miss the food. I miss the language barrier (weird, but true.). I miss Romania sunflower seeds. and of course I miss my team!

I came home thinking *yeah, I will miss this past month, but, I will get over it, it will fade away.* Well in 15 days I will be home for two whole months, and really, its gotten worse. And every time I talk about it, it gets worse, but I can't stop talking about it, because it changed my entire life. I miss being out of my comfort zone, I miss living in a totally different culture, American culture flat out sucks. We are rude, inconsiderate, not loving people. I am beyond ready to go back out on the mission field, and stay there. I believe that God has put missions and children on my heart for a reason and I want to obey Him and GO.

America. Is. Not. For. Me.