Saturday, September 11, 2010

A Roller Coaster of a Week...

So this past week has been a crazy roller coaster. I started my new job, Wednesday night at church started back up, and over all it was just and emotional roller coaster.

My baby girl who I fell in love
with as soon as I saw her.
(even if she did give me lice)
Recently I have felt distant from God, or as I put it early in the week "I feel like I'm here in Maryland, and God, is in Japan!" I came home after an awesome month on "fire" for God after serving Him, and being completely surrounded by an awesome team who loved Jesus and were living completely for Him. But after being home for almost two months (yeah, I don't want to think about that) that fire has not only started to go out, but has gone out. I sit here fairly regularly saying really God...really... You pulled me out of my comfort zone this summer in all ways possible. I opened up to 8 people who I had never met before, and now I have been left with a "Romanian" size hole in my heart, that hurts, a lot. And I'm sitting here thinking I let my guard down after a few days in Romania, I realized that the only way that I was going to get anything out of the trip was to let God break my heart for what breaks His. And trust me, He did. He not only broke it, but he SHATTERED it. I feel like since then He has broken it into smaller and smaller pieces, and now I'm left, with a "shattered" heart, not knowing what to do next. And with God "in Japan", I fell away from Him almost as soon as I got home and have been struggling to get back. Truthfully I don't know how to.

This week I have been dealing with this, along with a few other things that have been going on. Like the fact that this past Monday was my moms birthday and for the first time, I didn't have to get her a card and send it to her, or call her to sing Happy Birthday to her. And that hurts. I actually picked up my phone and started to dial her number before I realized that shes not there to answer. (R.I.P Leslie Joan Shelton 1/20/2010 i will always love you)

This past year overall has torn me apart. Starting in January. Now its September, and it hasn't gotten any easier. God is still hitting me with things, and it has just gotten farther and I have gotten farther away from Him, and have been struggling to find my way back.

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